Flashback Friday Monday: Gratitude = GReatATtITUDE

Start your week off right with this little gem from 2010!

I believe that gratitude is the most powerful emotion we have.  I’m calling it an emotion, but it’s probably more a state of mind or a point of view.  I think it’s powerful not only for the way it makes us feel, but also for the affect it has on our environment.  Gratitude when practiced effectively, can actually change the world around us.

Since about 2000, there has been a fair amount of serious interest in the power of gratitude and a number of somewhat scientific studies have been done.  One found that when patrons of a jewelry store were called and thanked for their purchase, they bought on average 170% more in subsequent visits.  The control group – the one that was not called and thanked – showed no increase.  Another study looked at servers in a restaurant who consistently got higher tips when they simply hand-wrote the words, ‘Thank You!’ on the check.

Realtors:  think about that for a moment.  How often are you thanking your former customers and clients?  Do you think doing so might help you do more business?

Real estate is not easy . . . neither is life.  Being able to love your work — and your life — is an art.  It begins with gratitude, which leads to joy.

I’ve had a friend for many years. I almost gave him up as a friend  some years back because he became so negative.  There never seemed to be enough money and all he seemed to be able to focus on was what he didn’t have and what he lacked.  He was absolutely middle class, but was leading an emotionally impoverished life.  Then, shortly after he turned 50, he had a heart attack, a BIG one.  He probably should have died.  But he didn’t and after the bypass surgery was done and healed, he was good as  new . . . except for one thing.   He’d had time to think about what was important and to be grateful for what he had.  For the first time since I’d known him he was truly happy.  What’s really cool is that from that point on, money ceased to be a problem for him.  Oh, he didn’t strike it rich or win the lottery.  I think his income stayed relatively stable.  But his attitude changed and suddenly there was always enough.

See, money loves happy.  Think about it:  if you were money would you be rushing around trying to find your way into the hands of an uptight, unhappy person who would probably squeeze you to death?  I think not.  Money wants to have a good time.  It falls on happy people.  And the road to happy begins with gratitude.

I was at the dentist the other day replacing my temporary crown with the real one.  The temporary crown was the best I’d ever had:  it was comfortable and didn’t come off – not even through Thanksgiving weekend.  When I thanked the assistant who made and installed it, my dentist nearly exploded with praise.  He went on and on about what a great job she did and how happy he was with her work.  Now; my experience with dental assistants is that they come and go.  This one has been there for five years and now I know why.  I doubt she’ll be going away anytime soon.

Try it today:  just thank everyone.  Do it casually, in passing.  And spend a little park bench time thinking about some of the good things that have come your way.  I’ll betcha when you turn the light out tonight you’ll think, ‘Now that was a good day.’

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes about the big G:

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.  ~G.K. Chesterton

What a miserable thing life is:  you’re living in clover, only the clover isn’t good enough.  ~Bertolt Brecht

Pet Peeves

Real estate professionals who don’t know how to use their calculators and can’t figure (or at least look up) a mortgage payment on the fly.

Real estate professionals who don’t know how to measure for and calculate square footage (at least good enough to tell if the tax records are wrong).

Real estate professionals who can fill in the blanks of their State approved purchase agreement but can’t walk through it with a buyer or seller explaining each boilerplate paragraph.

Real estate professionals who stop at ‘No,’ when trying to get a deal closed or financed.  The answer to ‘No’  is always the same:  ‘What do we need to do/add/change/find to make it work?’ and ‘What can I do turn this around?’

Real estate professionals who can’t do basic pre-qualification of a buyer including an initial discussion of finance including an examination of income-to-debt ratios.  (Though important, this is not a substitute for an in-depth discussion with a lender).

Real estate professionals who can’t accurately (within a reasonable tolerance) calculate seller net proceeds and buyers’ funds needed to close quickly and on a legal pad if necessary.

Real estate professionals who are afraid of the Internet . . . or even uncomfortable with it.

Real estate professionals who ‘wing’ their listing presentations.  It’s a job interview, for goodness sake!  You at least need an outline of where you want to go with it!

Real estate professionals who don’t spend money on marketing.  Agents should be spending a minimum of 10% -15% of their anticipated 1099 on marketing.  Brokers should be spending more.

Real estate professionals who expect the MLS to sell all of their listings.

Real estate professionals who organize their companies to appeal to agents rather than to serve consumers.

Real estate professionals who celebrate mediocre production.

Real estate professionals who don’t constantly question why things are the way they are and how they could be better for the buying and selling public.

These are just some of mine . . . what are yours?

Flashback Friday: Next Time You Think You Can’t Do Something . . .

. . . Watch this video:

 

Mark Goffeney was born in 1969 with no arms.  His father brought home an old guitar he found in a garbage dump when Mark was nine . . . and you can see what he’s done with it.  Homer (my dog) and I came upon him playing for tips in Balboa Park today — and doing quite well, I might add.  Next time you think you’re not up to the challenge, that the cards are stacked against you, that you just can’t make it, think of Mark; and then get up and try again.

This was originally posted in 2010. I’ve seen Mark over and over since, wowing the people who pass by his spot in the park. He now rocks out in a band, ‘Big Foot,’ and has been the subject of several national media stories.

Flashback Friday: Flea Circus

‘How do you train them not to jump?’

‘For two months I keep them in a low jar.’ He reached behind him and retrieved a little screw-top container, about an inch and a half tall. ‘At first they jump and jump in there. I can hear them bang their little heads on the lid, bing, bing, bing. But after awhile they adjust. They still hop, a little; they just don’t leap. That’s when I take the lid off and they are ready to train for the circus . . . they’re not going to leap away.’

This is one of my favorite posts.  It originally appeared in early 2010.  I have more to say about it, but don’t want to spoil it for you , so I’ll save it ’til the end . . . 

I live 22 miles from the Mexican border and, like many Southern Californians, spend a lot of time in Baja.  One of my favorite drives is the Routa Del Vina — the wine route — that runs from Tecate in the North to Ensenada in the South.  This sixty mile stretch of highway winds first through mountains and then through dozens of Mexican wineries.  Yes, Mexico makes wine.  It’s generally not very good, but they’re working on it.

In the heart of the region, a dirt road takes off to the west from the highway and leads to a dusty little town called Ejido El Porvenir — Town of the Future.   It may have been the Town of the Future in about 1924, but nothing much has changed since then.  It’s mostly just dust and mud, dogs and farmers and tumble down houses, a small, humble church . . . and Beto’s Circo de las Pulgas — Beto’s Flea Circus.

Beto is a weathered old dude who, like everything in Ejido El Porvenir, is dusty.  He’s missing a few teeth but still manages a nice smile when guests stop by. For $4 US, he will lead you through the little house he shares with his granddaughter and her children to the workshop in back where he keeps his Circus.

The show is presented on the bottom of  a 2′ x 3′ corrugated cardboard box with the sides cut down to about an inch that he pulls from a shelf and sets on a rickety table in the middle of the dirt floor room.  He’s painted the box white — well, it was white, once —  and it functions as the stage for his little flea actors.  He’s got one that walks the tight rope, a few that will kick a tiny ball around, one that rides on the back of a green beetle, and three he harnesses to little carts and then implores to race from one side of the box to the other.  It’s both as silly and fascinating as you might imagine.

After the show, I sat a while, chatting with Beto, he using very bad English, me struggling through equally bad Spanish.  I learned he’s 73, been working with fleas for about 10 years, and took it up to pass the time after he became too old to be useful in the grape arbors.  He gets three or four paying visitors a week but also does free shows for the neighborhood kids who regard him as a funny kook.

‘So, how do you train fleas?’ I asked.

‘Es Facil,’ he replied; it’s easy.  ‘The hardest part is teaching them not to jump.  A flea can jump two, three feet normally.’

I pictured the house I listed 30 years ago in Atlanta.  It had just been vacated by tenants who had dogs and when I walked into the living room, I was bombarded by a hail of hungry fleas flinging themselves at me from the floor. Yes, fleas have very strong legs and they certainly can leap.  Why didn’t these fleas just leap away?

‘How do you do it?’ I asked, ‘How do you train them not to jump?’

‘For two months I keep them in a low jar.’  He reached behind him and retrieved a little screw-top container, about an inch and a half tall.  ‘At first they jump and jump in there.  I can hear them bang their little heads on the lid, bing, bing, bing.  But after awhile they adjust.  They still hop, a little;  they just don’t leap.  That’s when I take the lid off and they are ready to train for the circus . . . they’re not going to leap away.’

‘Wait a minute,’ I asked, skeptically, ‘You train their natural tendency to leap out of them?’

‘Sure,’ he said through that almost toothless smile.  ‘After a few weeks of hitting their heads on the lid, they learn to stop jumping, and they’ll never do it again.’

How  sad, I thought.  These creatures were born to leap and they’d allowed him to take that away from them.  I gave him a puzzled look.

‘It’s just like people,’ he continued.  ‘You can train the dreams right out of the people.  If you place enough barriers, enough restrictions, they come to believe their dreams are impossible.  They give up, and then they live quietly in the world you’ve defined for them.  Every dictator knows that . . . I’m just a flea dictator.’

It started to rain as I left Beto’s house.  The  dusty road turned into a mud bog and soon the Jeep was covered in the stuff.  I’d be bringing a little bit of Mexico back across the border with me this night.  As I drove through the gloom, I thought about what Beto said, and about our current reality:  Help-U-Sell, Realtors in general, and the very tough real estate market of the last few years.  We all made adjustments to make it through. We cut expenses, moved to smaller space, consolidated.  They were necessary cuts.  But, like the fleas, we also cut expectations.  Where we once shot for 10% market share and considered 10 deals a month to be ‘just getting by,’  we came to believe that 2 or 3 or 4 a month was ok.  We could get by with 3 or 4 and not bang our heads on the lid of the market.

Look around.  Yes, things are better today.  The real estate business comes with a new set of challenges – low inventory, rising interest rates – but it’s not as constricted as it was a couple of years ago.

But what about that patch of real estate between your ears?  Did you get so used to the redecorating you did in there during the downturn that you hardly notice the change anymore?   Have you let last season’s reality put a permanent damper on your dreams?  Or can you still see yourself doing 100, 150, 500 deals a year?  You can, you know.  Step by step, stage by stage, phase by phase, you can.  And, truth is, until you believe it, until you expect it, it’s not going to happen.  You’ll just be hopping along, stopping a millimeter or two shy of the lid someone else put over you a long time ago.

Look up.  There is no lid.  There’s nothing but blue skies overhead.  Stretch out your legs and get into your leaping crouch.  It’s time to liberate the fleas!

. . . . . .

So many people have read this post and assumed it was a true story . . . and it IS, up to the point where Beto is introduced.  From that point forward it is fiction; or rather, legend.  

The flea story has been around for some time (Google it) and I remember hearing it told with great flair by the former President of Help-U-Sell, Rick O’Neil.  In his version, he was a boy in New York City and the flea circus was in a basement on 42nd Street.  

I’ve been asked more than a few times how to find Beto, once by a resident of Ejidio el Porvenier!  

It doesn’t matter that Beto doesn’t exist and that the circus may never have existed anywhere.  The image of self-limitation is powerful.  

When I feel myself covered up with can’ts and yeah-buts, flinging themselves at me like fleas from the floor, I pause, look up, notice that there is no lid, and go back to doing the impossible. 

 

 

Flashback Friday: U R Reality TV

(Another oldie-moldie, dusted off from the distant past of January, 2010. I keep thinking about that editor, the one that keeps the action interesting . . . an important job!)

I got home last night with a handful of things to do.  Television is rarely a distraction for me (though I do admit a minor addiction to Survivor and old black and white movies), but last night, dinner was ready just at 8 and I flipped on the mush-box for no good reason as I ate.  What glimmered on the tube was a whole new season of The Biggest Loser.

I’ve seen bits and pieces before and have been surprised at how noble and human all of that exercising seems to be.  Last night, five minutes after I sat down,  as I shovelled a pasta/chicken dish and Brussels sprouts into my mouth, I began to blubber like a little girl.  I finished dinner and reached for a Kleenex.  Next thing I knew it was two hours later and my eyes were all red and puffy.  Is that stupid or what?

Not really.  It’s a tribute to the power of production, direction and editing.  I think it is amazing how this kind of television can elicit such a strong emotional response from viewers.  And it’s accomplished very cleverly.  They do it by being very clear about the objective – which is to get that strong response, get it quickly and sustain it;  by arranging situations where the drama can unfold;  and then by editing, editing, editing until it all comes together in a big sob-fest.

Here’s what I’m thinking today:  Your life is a Reality Show.  There will be a winner at the end of it and at each little challenge that comes along.  Most of us are so busy participating in the action that we ignore the aspects that bring power to the experience.  Put plainly, are you producing, directing and editing your own reality show to get the response you expect and the result you want?

Production occurs at the 30,000 foot level.  It’s where the producer gets clear about what he or she wants to do and maps out a grand schema to get it done.  Producers are rarely involved in the day to day creation of the show:  they define the bulls-eye and delegate the doing to competent others.  If they become involved in the day-t0-day it’s to make the call when decisions are tough.  You are the producer of your show (actually, I’d argue that you share production credits with God, who probably deserves the title, ‘Executive Producer’).  Are you clear about what you’re trying to accomplish?  Have you thought about what you want to see when you flip on the tube to watch the story of your life?  When the tough stuff comes, do you withdraw to 30,000 feet to consult with your Executive Producer about which decision fits best with what you’re trying to accomplish?

Directors craft the look, feel, plot, drama and orchestrate the desired response.  The director tells everyone what to do and how to do it so the producer’s vision can be achieved.  Funny about movies and television:  They almost never put anything on the screen that’s not important in moving the plot forward or creating the desired response.  Are you doing the same?  Are you so clear in your vision that everything that makes it into the movie of your life is relevant? Or are you running in ten directions at once, trying to do a passable job at dozens of things rather than a great job at one or two?   Is there a (self-disciplined) director sitting in the back of your head, guiding you to your goal?

I knew a top producing agent some years ago in Northern California.  He was about 27 and grossed about $300,000 in commissions the previous year (this was 1989 — and that was a lot).  I asked him about getting started so young and if he had to overcome credibility issues at age 22. He said he did for a short period of time.  I asked what he did to overcome that.  ‘I had to make changes in the way I saw myself,’ he answered.  ‘I’d been in college and I was a daring rogue, partying too much and taking stupid risks.  I saw myself as a pirate.  I realized if I wanted to be successful — and I did — I needed people to see me differently.  Nobody wants to buy real estate from a pirate!  So I cleaned up my act.  Got a haircut, started shaving every day and bought some professional looking clothes.  Then I started listening to some good teachers:  Tony Robbins, Tom Hopkins, Danielle Kennedy.’  In essence, what this young man was saying was that the director of his show stepped in and had him adjust his performance.  Smart move.

Finally, there are the editors — who I’d say are the real stars of shows like The Biggest Loser.  They take raw and probably very boring footage and slice it up so that it depicts exactly what the director wants to depict.  It’s like what the cartoon character, Jessica Rabbit said in Who Framed Roger Rabbit:  ‘I’m not really bad — I’m just drawn that way.’  Maybe Survivor’s Russell wasn’t really evil– he was just edited that way.  You have to become your own editor, too.

A couple of years ago I was interviewing people for a job.  One of my candidates was qualified, but she talked more about the trauma of her recent messy divorce than she did about her goals, aspirations, joys and abilities.  Of course I didn’t hire her.  But  it turns out the woman I eventally did hire — bright, energetic, capable — was also embroiled in a nasty divorce.  Nobody had any idea for weeks, and when it finally came out it was nothing she wanted to spend any energy on at work.  Later, after we’d become friends, I asked her about it.

‘You know, I had no idea you were going through a divorce, and certainly not one this messy, when you came in for your interview,’ I said.

‘That’s because I keep that tucked in,’ she replied.  I gave her a questioning look.  ‘I don’t want my life to be about my divorce, so I keep it to myself when I’m doing other things.  You weren’t hiring a soap opera, so I left that part of my life at the kitchen table that day, just as I do every day when I come to work.’

Editors sometimes get Emmys and Oscars . . . and they deserve them.

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